I recently watched a video online about a man who wants the kidney he donated to his wife returned as part of the divorce settlement-- or she can pay him 1.5 million dollars.

You can read about the story at this link or this one or watch it here (more from his point of view) or here.

Evidently there was a major breakdown in this relationship.  According to the first video, she cheated and refused to let him see his children.  I don't agree with her actions, but I don't know this couple personally so there is no way to say who is the wrong one is. Maybe she's evil.  Maybe he caused it.  I have no idea.  What I want to focus on is this method of retribution this man took.

In the article and video he says that he did it to save her life, the life of the mother of his children and his wife and that he didn't regret saving her life and that he would do it again (I assume he meant if he were at that same point in the past).  Okay... but then I don't get the disconnect.  He mentions that he feels betrayed by what occurred later.    I can understand feeling the need to get even after a betrayal.  But hold on a minute!  There are some gifts that have to be freely given with no strings attached.  And I think giving an organ is one of them.  If you feel that you are "owed" something for this kind of gift, maybe you aren't psychologically suited to give it even if your are physiologically capable.  Also, even if that woman did not continue to be his wife, she still continues to be the mother of his children.  Despite any betrayal a spouse may feel, I think it's important to consider how one's actions will effect the children.

If this legal action is an attempt to get the wife to let him see his children, I think he has not really thought this through clearly and/ or has been given some really bad advice.  What kind of message does this send to one's children?

It's quite hard for me to imagine.  I come from a really stable home environment.  But I do think that children can grow up and make decisions about their parents on their own.  Despite whatever "programming" the custodial parent might impart, most rational adults will be able to sort out the actions of their parents and come up with their own opinion of what happened.  It's not necessarily easy and I'm sure it's painful and tangled.  But if kids want to know about their parents' relationship and suspect that they're not getting the whole truth about from one parent, it's not too difficult to find another adult to spill the beans.

Basically, if you want your grown kids not to think you're a jerk, then don't act like one even if you're getting screwed over. If in fact, the wife in this situation is not giving the husband a fair shake, it seems to me that his actions, no matter his intentions, will validate what she says.  His actions say that love is not for free, you're partner can give you something one day and then demand it back. Maybe its that things that should come without strings really have them.   Maybe his actions will teach his girls that if you get a gift, you have to repay it.  Who knows.

I feel sorry for this family.  I'm sorry that their relationship went through this hardship and ended up in this negative situation.  I'm sorry for the negative implications this may have for the future of these people.